Most of us have a strong negative response for waiting. In his book, "On Waiting," Harold Schweizer notes that waiting gets a bad rap. While we wait, time seems to go in slow motion.
We wait for appointments, trains, planes, phone calls put on hold, the pot to boil - the list goes on and on. We become bored and agitated that we are wasting our valuable time. We are rapidly moving toward a society of instant gratification.
While in graduate school in California, I spent many days in the five-story graduate psychology building on campus. There were three elevators, all of which were incredibly slow. By nature, young people, especially grad students, are an impatient lot. Students left complaints taped to the walls next to the elevators. Nasty letters were sent to the university newspaper and the chancellor's office was bombarded by calls.
Then one day, everything went quiet. Students were still waiting for the elevators, but silently, with no complaining of any kind. A phantom maintenance crew had installed long mirrors on the narrow wall spaces between the elevators. The students waited, but were occupied checking themselves out in the newly installed mirrors. Elevator waiting time was diminished by self-absorption.
It turns out the creative idea of installing mirrors next to elevators hails back to post World War II when large numbers of high rise buildings were constructed, leading to a large number of complaints about elevator delays. The rationale for installing mirrors is, if individuals are given something to occupy their waiting, then the wait seems shorter.
Researcher Richard Larson from MIT is considered the "waiting-in-lines guru." Larson comments that unoccupied time is perceived as shorter than occupied time. Overall, people overestimate their wait time in line by 36 percent (Alex Stone, New York Times, "Why Waiting Is Torture." Aug. 19, 2012).
Stone writes that Disney is the absolute master of manipulating line waiting. Queing psychology has discovered that we mortals feel more stress when we are uncertain about how long we will have to wait in a line. If we are given reasons for the delays and an estimate of wait time, our stress levels decrease.
Sometimes we wait for something unpleasant to pass, like being in a dentist chair having a tooth drilled. But, there is another kind of waiting, which is the anticipation of something absolutely wonderful happening. Small children, and some big ones, too, wait excitedly for Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny to make their appearances. We wait with anticipation for a child to be born, for our dream house to be built and to complete a number of goals which we have set for ourselves.
There is a balance to how we deal with waiting. Sometimes, enough is enough, and other times we are stuck in our need to wait. How we deal with waiting is crucial to our physical and psychological health. There exists a very ancient Buddhist concept called Mindfulness. It means changing our mindset to make the most of the present moment.
I learned a slice of this valuable wisdom many years ago while driving children to school along country roads. One early morning, I happened to look out the car window and notice lines of neighborhood cats sitting transfixed on the side of the road, obviously waiting with anticipation for some delectable rodent morsels to appear. Often I could only see the feline hind quarters appearing from the underbrush. Somehow, the humor of this situation led me to slow down and enjoy the moment.
It is important that we learn how to not only not stress over waiting, but to actually gain something positive. There is a great deal to be said about enjoying the journey while you travel to your destination.
(Dr. Donna Pinter is founder and director of Psychological Services Clinic, Bloomsburg, Danville and Sunbury. "Slice of Life" appears on this page the first Sunday of every month.)